Changing the font of this blog because Georgia just wasn't hanging with the vibe I want, ya feel?
Yesterday while at work I picked up "Missoula" by Jon Krakauer because the topic of rape, particularly amongst college communities, has become so prevalent. As a college-aged woman, I feel like it's important to really educate myself on the subject because (sadly) it so often has to be debated. Why that is is truly beyond me. But alas...
Also yesterday, I worked out a plan for paying off my credit card debt in (ideally) a little less than a year, so long as I actually stick to the plan. Unfortunately, it is going to mean spending significantly less and actually being disciplined but it surely won't hurt me to learn some discipline.
I've also been tossing around different ideas for career options because holy fuck I need a real job. Like a REAL job that has REAL benefits and that could actually allow me the freedom of living on my own. The last thing I want is to mooch off of my family for the next 3 years while I figure out how to be a normal human being. Also bouncing back and forth between whether I want to try going back to school in a year or not...
Whatever. I've currently had almost 30 ounces of coffee and oh boy am I feeling it. Unfortunately, not to the point where I'd want to work on any of the work that I have for these last few days of class, like oh, I don't know, the final I have Friday morning that could easily make or break my grade!!!
Anyways, just thought I'd stream of conscious write a lil something and I've done just that and now I need to get back to the realities of life. Toodles.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
8/01/16
It's no doubt been a long time since I've even bothered looking at this blog, let alone wrote a post on it. No one follows me at the moment and that's ok. I'm currently at a time in my life where I feel like I need to record my thoughts and experiences because it's been a fucking gnarly ride as of late.
I'm dropping out of college, which a year ago would have put me into cardiac arrest to think about.
I'm not only dropping out of college, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life after my summer classes end this Friday.
I'm in a shit ton of debt that keeps me up at night thinking about. That being said, I'm ready to tackle it on even though it currently scares me more than the six cockroaches we've found in our house this past week.
I've let far too many men use me in an attempt to validate my self-worth and it's sad really.
I think I could most certainly say that I have without a doubt hit a sort of rock-bottom as one might call it. But the good thing about rock-bottom is that there is nowhere to go but up from here.
And, quite frankly, that makes me pretty damn excited.
Friday, February 20, 2015
i made something yummy.
so around 10:45 this morning i got a random craving for corn muffins? super random and odd but i decided we had a box of jiffy corn muffin mix in the pantry so...
these happened and ughhh so. good.
not very waistline friendly but sometimes, is that really that important?
these turned out so damn moist and tasty i couldn't imagine not properly documenting and sharing this recipe.
cream cheese & jalepeno corn muffins
- 1 box jiffy corn muffin mix
- 2 tbsp melted butter
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1/4 cup sour cream
- 4 ounces cream cheese (room temperature)
- 1 large jalepeno, minced
Preheat oven to 350. Combine ingredients in a medium mixing bowl. Pour into muffin pan. Bake 20-25 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes. Devour.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
today.
today it is freezing outside, like literally below 32 degrees (or is it 34?).
there is leftover snow from a snowstorm two nights ago and it's everywhere. but the snow plow people came and got (most of) it off the roads.
i didn't have my 8 am class this morning and that made me probably 78% happier. it's the little things, especially when said 8 am class was the only time slot available and you absolutely needed it for your major so dropping it was out of the question.
i'm realizing more and more how to be content on my own terms and that is such a freeing, freeing feeling and i recommend everyone give it a try, it's glorious.
right now it's 4:45 pm and i'll be heading out to dinner with a new friend very shortly.
//
i hope everyone is having a beautifully content day (if that's a possible thing).
xx
there is leftover snow from a snowstorm two nights ago and it's everywhere. but the snow plow people came and got (most of) it off the roads.
i didn't have my 8 am class this morning and that made me probably 78% happier. it's the little things, especially when said 8 am class was the only time slot available and you absolutely needed it for your major so dropping it was out of the question.
i'm realizing more and more how to be content on my own terms and that is such a freeing, freeing feeling and i recommend everyone give it a try, it's glorious.
right now it's 4:45 pm and i'll be heading out to dinner with a new friend very shortly.
//
i hope everyone is having a beautifully content day (if that's a possible thing).
xx
Sunday, November 23, 2014
for alexander
another thing I have yet to share here is my relationship, so why not introduce it with a little something special?
my boyfriend, alexander (or alex as his friends and colleagues call him), and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 18.
we were seniors in high school and I don't think either of us had ever had any intention of being in a relationship with anyone at any point of our final year of grade school.
he was (who am I kidding, is) super smart and driven. he was quiet and soft spoken, not over-confident, but very friendly. oh, and not to mention, a complete goofball in private. his smile and laugh were infectious. he wore red or blue vans on any given day, complete with cuffed pants because he liked them that way (still does). he had great taste in music and I thought that was cool. he hung out with people that had great personalities and genuinely liked each other and didn't really seem to care about what others thought about them and I admired that even more. he once-upon-a time dabbled in art and played on the varsity soccer team. he could write a killer AP english essay that would blow mine (and most everyone else's) out of the water. he had a very promising college career ahead of him.
I, on the other hand, was the new girl from a totally different state. I didn't have very many friends and I was fairly self-conscious. I had a past that I was still in the process of letting go and forgiving myself for. I was awkward. I liked going vegan sometimes but I also really liked ice cream (still do). I wore a lot of cardigans, my hair was shorter, and I didn't really do my makeup that well. I skipped sports that year. I also couldn't write a very good AP english timed writing essay.
nevertheless, somehow, someway, he ended up loving me and I still can't wrap my brain around how or why.
in three days, we will be celebrating our two year dating anniversary. as cliche as it probably sounds, I don't know where the time has gone. it seems like just last month he asked me to be his girlfriend in a booth at tropical smoothie while I looked down and smiled at the wrap we shared on our table.
since then, so much has changed and yet so much is the same. I'm honestly proud of us.
maybe that sounds stupid or conceited or something, but I truly am proud and so beyond grateful.
we've made it through graduation and going to school (he did, in fact, end up fulfilling that very promising college career thing) almost two hours apart (I know, not awful, but still) for almost a year a half now while he hasn't been able to have a vehicle and I have only been able to visit every other weekend. and though it certainly has not been a cake walk, it has been a great growing process for the both of us I think.
we've gotten a little older and changed some and developed new habits and maybe aren't as infatuated with each other as we were a year or so ago and don't have to text 24/7 but the strength and genuine love of our relationship, I think, is continually growing.
here's to what, God-willing, will be another two, three, four, twenty more years.
//
to my best friend (or elephant),
thank you for sticking with me through the happiest of times, the saddest of times, and every little thing in between. thank you for making me laugh til I cry and thank you for wiping rivers of tears from my face when I feel low. thank you for your steadfast commitment and faith. thank you for becoming more and more the man of God I really needed all along. thank you for your patience. thank you for accepting my imperfections and thank you for not being afraid to say you're sorry (something I know I suck at sometimes). thank you for listening to me rant and letting me climb onto my giant soapbox from time to time. thank you for loving animals (oh and people) and watching documentaries with me. thank you for fro yo and sushi dates. thank you for being more weird than me sometimes hehe. thank you for telling me I'm beautiful and gorgeous, and all those things that make me blush. thank you for never giving up on me even though there have been moments where that could have been easier. thank you for all the times I haven't said thank you but I probably should have.
thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for.
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my boyfriend, alexander (or alex as his friends and colleagues call him), and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 18.
we were seniors in high school and I don't think either of us had ever had any intention of being in a relationship with anyone at any point of our final year of grade school.
he was (who am I kidding, is) super smart and driven. he was quiet and soft spoken, not over-confident, but very friendly. oh, and not to mention, a complete goofball in private. his smile and laugh were infectious. he wore red or blue vans on any given day, complete with cuffed pants because he liked them that way (still does). he had great taste in music and I thought that was cool. he hung out with people that had great personalities and genuinely liked each other and didn't really seem to care about what others thought about them and I admired that even more. he once-upon-a time dabbled in art and played on the varsity soccer team. he could write a killer AP english essay that would blow mine (and most everyone else's) out of the water. he had a very promising college career ahead of him.
I, on the other hand, was the new girl from a totally different state. I didn't have very many friends and I was fairly self-conscious. I had a past that I was still in the process of letting go and forgiving myself for. I was awkward. I liked going vegan sometimes but I also really liked ice cream (still do). I wore a lot of cardigans, my hair was shorter, and I didn't really do my makeup that well. I skipped sports that year. I also couldn't write a very good AP english timed writing essay.
nevertheless, somehow, someway, he ended up loving me and I still can't wrap my brain around how or why.
in three days, we will be celebrating our two year dating anniversary. as cliche as it probably sounds, I don't know where the time has gone. it seems like just last month he asked me to be his girlfriend in a booth at tropical smoothie while I looked down and smiled at the wrap we shared on our table.
since then, so much has changed and yet so much is the same. I'm honestly proud of us.
maybe that sounds stupid or conceited or something, but I truly am proud and so beyond grateful.
we've made it through graduation and going to school (he did, in fact, end up fulfilling that very promising college career thing) almost two hours apart (I know, not awful, but still) for almost a year a half now while he hasn't been able to have a vehicle and I have only been able to visit every other weekend. and though it certainly has not been a cake walk, it has been a great growing process for the both of us I think.
we've gotten a little older and changed some and developed new habits and maybe aren't as infatuated with each other as we were a year or so ago and don't have to text 24/7 but the strength and genuine love of our relationship, I think, is continually growing.
here's to what, God-willing, will be another two, three, four, twenty more years.
//
to my best friend (or elephant),
thank you for sticking with me through the happiest of times, the saddest of times, and every little thing in between. thank you for making me laugh til I cry and thank you for wiping rivers of tears from my face when I feel low. thank you for your steadfast commitment and faith. thank you for becoming more and more the man of God I really needed all along. thank you for your patience. thank you for accepting my imperfections and thank you for not being afraid to say you're sorry (something I know I suck at sometimes). thank you for listening to me rant and letting me climb onto my giant soapbox from time to time. thank you for loving animals (oh and people) and watching documentaries with me. thank you for fro yo and sushi dates. thank you for being more weird than me sometimes hehe. thank you for telling me I'm beautiful and gorgeous, and all those things that make me blush. thank you for never giving up on me even though there have been moments where that could have been easier. thank you for all the times I haven't said thank you but I probably should have.
thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for.
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
faith.
I don't think I've shared it yet here on the blog, but I think it's high time I did.
I'm a Christian.
Some of you reading that may shudder, cringe, click the "x" button, rejoice, smile, cry (ok maybe not all that) but regardless, everyone's view of Christianity is different and I understand both sides.
I take being a "Christian" as meaning that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I believe in the work He did not just on the cross, but in his entire lifetime on Earth. I believe He is the son of God and that's a pretty mighty thing. I also believe that without His ultimate sacrifice, I would be forced to face God's wrath for the sin nature I most certainly have. Pretty radical sounding, right?
That's because it is.
Jesus was radical. People didn't like him because he stood for things that went against what they had always held as truth and law. More than anything, I think, people didn't like him because he loved every human being. Every. Single. One.
The tax collector, the prostitute, the thief, the murderer, the liar, the cheat, the self-loathing, the envious, the greedy. The sinner, the broken.
He wanted all of us.
Lately, I've really been rolling the concept of God's love for His people around in my head and it truly is remarkable. In the many years I've gone to church now (as both a believer and non-believer), I've been preached to over and over again about how God's love for us is spectacular and unbelievable but it's never really sunk in. He sent Jesus to Earth to allow every man and woman to inherit eternal life and to actually turn their earthly life into something beautiful. And now it's starting to really hit me.
Going back to what I believe in.
I do not believe in shaming or putting others down. I don't believe in one person being better than any one else. I don't believe in shaking my fist at "sinners" (because God truly knows I am a big one). I don't believe in taking a conservative, right-wing Republican stance on everything political "in the name of the Bible" and putting down anything and everything liberal. I don't believe in trying to be perfect because if I could be perfect there would be no need for grace.
I do believe in loving people and helping them and investing in them as Christ would have, and creating lasting relationships. I do believe in striving to be like "little Christ's" and seeking not our own will, but God's. I believe in grace and mercy and something a whole heck of a lot bigger than I am.
So now it's all out there. Some thoughts put into words on faith.
xx, Charity
I'm a Christian.
Some of you reading that may shudder, cringe, click the "x" button, rejoice, smile, cry (ok maybe not all that) but regardless, everyone's view of Christianity is different and I understand both sides.
I take being a "Christian" as meaning that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I believe in the work He did not just on the cross, but in his entire lifetime on Earth. I believe He is the son of God and that's a pretty mighty thing. I also believe that without His ultimate sacrifice, I would be forced to face God's wrath for the sin nature I most certainly have. Pretty radical sounding, right?
That's because it is.
Jesus was radical. People didn't like him because he stood for things that went against what they had always held as truth and law. More than anything, I think, people didn't like him because he loved every human being. Every. Single. One.
The tax collector, the prostitute, the thief, the murderer, the liar, the cheat, the self-loathing, the envious, the greedy. The sinner, the broken.
He wanted all of us.
Lately, I've really been rolling the concept of God's love for His people around in my head and it truly is remarkable. In the many years I've gone to church now (as both a believer and non-believer), I've been preached to over and over again about how God's love for us is spectacular and unbelievable but it's never really sunk in. He sent Jesus to Earth to allow every man and woman to inherit eternal life and to actually turn their earthly life into something beautiful. And now it's starting to really hit me.
Going back to what I believe in.
I do not believe in shaming or putting others down. I don't believe in one person being better than any one else. I don't believe in shaking my fist at "sinners" (because God truly knows I am a big one). I don't believe in taking a conservative, right-wing Republican stance on everything political "in the name of the Bible" and putting down anything and everything liberal. I don't believe in trying to be perfect because if I could be perfect there would be no need for grace.
I do believe in loving people and helping them and investing in them as Christ would have, and creating lasting relationships. I do believe in striving to be like "little Christ's" and seeking not our own will, but God's. I believe in grace and mercy and something a whole heck of a lot bigger than I am.
So now it's all out there. Some thoughts put into words on faith.
xx, Charity
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
a wednesday list
happy hump day!
today I am:
- trying to soak in these beautiful last bits of fall
- sipping coffee courtesy of a very sweet friend of mine
- planning christmas gifts ahead of time (for once)
- watching the food network wishing I had money to cook brilliant meals
- attempting to study spanish & history
- listening to this song on repeat
- dreading going into work, but thankful for a job that pays me well
- sort of freaking out because I just registered for classes and made my perfect schedule for in the spring (which will be my last semester at community college before I graduate and transfer!!!)
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xx, Charity
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