8/01/16

It's no doubt been a long time since I've even bothered looking at this blog, let alone wrote a post on it. No one follows me at the moment and that's ok. I'm currently at a time in my life where I feel like I need to record my thoughts and experiences because it's been a fucking gnarly ride as of late. 

I'm dropping out of college, which a year ago would have put me into cardiac arrest to think about. 

I'm not only dropping out of college, but I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life after my summer classes end this Friday. 

I'm in a shit ton of debt that keeps me up at night thinking about. That being said, I'm ready to tackle it on even though it currently scares me more than the six cockroaches we've found in our house this past week. 

I've let far too many men use me in an attempt to validate my self-worth and it's sad really. 

I think I could most certainly say that I have without a doubt hit a sort of rock-bottom as one might call it. But the good thing about rock-bottom is that there is nowhere to go but up from here. 

And, quite frankly, that makes me pretty damn excited. 

hello, november

well well well, november, you certainly snuck up on me this year, goodness! it feels like my birthday was last week, not nearly a month ago.

I am both happy and sad that fall has been flying by and the cooler air is blowing in (quite literally here in virginia, I might add, it was extraordinarily windy today). I love cold weather clothing, fireplaces, hot chocolate, baking extravaganzas, etc, but alas, with the change in the physical season comes a change in mental season.

for the past few years winters have been both good and bad. and they almost never can out-do the other. while I think december is quite a happy month (for the most part), once that's all over I tend to fall into a deep depression. I really can't explain it, but I know it's not uncommon. do any of you ever struggle with seasonal sadness?

my goal, however, this season, is to try and combat that sadness as well as I can. I truly want to make the most of it. more than ever this year, I feel like I'm learning more and more just how fast time flies. this is my last year in my teens, my last semester (hopefully) living in fredericksburg and going to school here. next year, I'll be knee deep in my major studies and that old phrase "carpe diem" keeps coming to mind.

I don't want to always look back on winters with sadness tainting them. I really want these to be good and wholesome times. especially considering it's during one of the biggest breaks you get in college, for cryin out loud!

yes, I fully intend to make the most of it. and if I get sad sometimes, that's perfectly alright, but I would much prefer not to wallow in it. in the meantime, I'll be making the most of the rest of this beautiful month.

xx, Charity

p.s. I did, in fact, purchase my very own copy of tswift's album a few nights ago, and dear god it's something else. literally cried while listening to wildest dreams and this love in the car. yup.