for alexander

another thing I have yet to share here is my relationship, so why not introduce it with a little something special?

my boyfriend, alexander (or alex as his friends and colleagues call him), and I started dating when I was 17 and he was 18.

we were seniors in high school and I don't think either of us had ever had any intention of being in a relationship with anyone at any point of our final year of grade school.

he was (who am I kidding, is) super smart and driven. he was quiet and soft spoken, not over-confident, but very friendly. oh, and not to mention, a complete goofball in private. his smile and laugh were infectious. he wore red or blue vans on any given day, complete with cuffed pants because he liked them that way (still does). he had great taste in music and I thought that was cool. he hung out with people that had great personalities and genuinely liked each other and didn't really seem to care about what others thought about them and I admired that even more. he once-upon-a time dabbled in art and played on the varsity soccer team. he could write a killer AP english essay that would blow mine (and most everyone else's) out of the water. he had a very promising college career ahead of him.

I, on the other hand, was the new girl from a totally different state. I didn't have very many friends and I was fairly self-conscious. I had a past that I was still in the process of letting go and forgiving myself for. I was awkward. I liked going vegan sometimes but I also really liked ice cream (still do). I wore a lot of cardigans, my hair was shorter, and I didn't really do my makeup that well. I skipped sports that year. I also couldn't write a very good AP english timed writing essay.

nevertheless, somehow, someway, he ended up loving me and I still can't wrap my brain around how or why.

in three days, we will be celebrating our two year dating anniversary. as cliche as it probably sounds, I don't know where the time has gone. it seems like just last month he asked me to be his girlfriend in a booth at tropical smoothie while I looked down and smiled at the wrap we shared on our table.

since then, so much has changed and yet so much is the same. I'm honestly proud of us.

maybe that sounds stupid or conceited or something, but I truly am proud and so beyond grateful.
we've made it through graduation and going to school (he did, in fact, end up fulfilling that very promising college career thing) almost two hours apart (I know, not awful, but still) for almost a year a half now while he hasn't been able to have a vehicle and I have only been able to visit every other weekend. and though it certainly has not been a cake walk, it has been a great growing process for the both of us I think.
we've gotten a little older and changed some and developed new habits and maybe aren't as infatuated with each other as we were a year or so ago and don't have to text 24/7 but the strength and genuine love of our relationship, I think, is continually growing.

here's to what, God-willing, will be another two, three, four, twenty more years.

//

to my best friend (or elephant),

thank you for sticking with me through the happiest of times, the saddest of times, and every little thing in between. thank you for making me laugh til I cry and thank you for wiping rivers of tears from my face when I feel low. thank you for your steadfast commitment and faith. thank you for becoming more and more the man of God I really needed all along. thank you for your patience. thank you for accepting my imperfections and thank you for not being afraid to say you're sorry (something I know I suck at sometimes). thank you for listening to me rant and letting me climb onto my giant soapbox from time to time. thank you for loving animals (oh and people) and watching documentaries with me. thank you for fro yo and sushi dates. thank you for being more weird than me sometimes hehe. thank you for telling me I'm beautiful and gorgeous, and all those things that make me blush. thank you for never giving up on me even though there have been moments where that could have been easier. thank you for all the times I haven't said thank you but I probably should have.

thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for.

faith.

I don't think I've shared it yet here on the blog, but I think it's high time I did.

I'm a Christian.

Some of you reading that may shudder, cringe, click the "x" button, rejoice, smile, cry (ok maybe not all that) but regardless, everyone's view of Christianity is different and I understand both sides.

I take being a "Christian" as meaning that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I believe in the work He did not just on the cross, but in his entire lifetime on Earth. I believe He is the son of God and that's a pretty mighty thing. I also believe that without His ultimate sacrifice, I would be forced to face God's wrath for the sin nature I most certainly have. Pretty radical sounding, right?

That's because it is.

Jesus was radical. People didn't like him because he stood for things that went against what they had always held as truth and law. More than anything, I think, people didn't like him because he loved every human being. Every. Single. One.

The tax collector, the prostitute, the thief, the murderer, the liar, the cheat, the self-loathing, the envious, the greedy. The sinner, the broken.
He wanted all of us.

Lately, I've really been rolling the concept of God's love for His people around in my head and it truly is remarkable. In the many years I've gone to church now (as both a believer and non-believer), I've been preached to over and over again about how God's love for us is spectacular and unbelievable but it's never really sunk in. He sent Jesus to Earth to allow every man and woman to inherit eternal life and to actually turn their earthly life into something beautiful. And now it's starting to really hit me.

Going back to what I believe in.
I do not believe in shaming or putting others down. I don't believe in one person being better than any one else. I don't believe in shaking my fist at "sinners" (because God truly knows I am a big one). I don't believe in taking a conservative, right-wing Republican stance on everything political "in the name of the Bible" and putting down anything and everything liberal. I don't believe in trying to be perfect because if I could be perfect there would be no need for grace.

I do believe in loving people and helping them and investing in them as Christ would have, and creating lasting relationships. I do believe in striving to be like "little Christ's" and seeking not our own will, but God's. I believe in grace and mercy and something a whole heck of a lot bigger than I am.

So now it's all out there. Some thoughts put into words on faith.

xx, Charity

a wednesday list

happy hump day!

today I am:

• trying to soak in these beautiful last bits of fall
• sipping coffee courtesy of a very sweet friend of mine
• planning christmas gifts ahead of time (for once) 
• watching the food network wishing I had money to cook brilliant meals
• attempting to study spanish & history
• listening to this song on repeat 
• dreading going into work, but thankful for a job that pays me well
• sort of freaking out because I just registered for classes and made my perfect schedule for in the spring (which will be my last semester at community college before I graduate and transfer!!!)

oh, and not to mention I totally just threw my whites into the washing machine without looking to see that there was a dark grey rug (go me!) already in there waiting to be dried. needless to say, when I returned to the washer half my garments were turned a lightish blue. thank God for bleach and the hot water setting.

xx, Charity

hello, november

well well well, november, you certainly snuck up on me this year, goodness! it feels like my birthday was last week, not nearly a month ago.

I am both happy and sad that fall has been flying by and the cooler air is blowing in (quite literally here in virginia, I might add, it was extraordinarily windy today). I love cold weather clothing, fireplaces, hot chocolate, baking extravaganzas, etc, but alas, with the change in the physical season comes a change in mental season.

for the past few years winters have been both good and bad. and they almost never can out-do the other. while I think december is quite a happy month (for the most part), once that's all over I tend to fall into a deep depression. I really can't explain it, but I know it's not uncommon. do any of you ever struggle with seasonal sadness?

my goal, however, this season, is to try and combat that sadness as well as I can. I truly want to make the most of it. more than ever this year, I feel like I'm learning more and more just how fast time flies. this is my last year in my teens, my last semester (hopefully) living in fredericksburg and going to school here. next year, I'll be knee deep in my major studies and that old phrase "carpe diem" keeps coming to mind.

I don't want to always look back on winters with sadness tainting them. I really want these to be good and wholesome times. especially considering it's during one of the biggest breaks you get in college, for cryin out loud!

yes, I fully intend to make the most of it. and if I get sad sometimes, that's perfectly alright, but I would much prefer not to wallow in it. in the meantime, I'll be making the most of the rest of this beautiful month.

xx, Charity

p.s. I did, in fact, purchase my very own copy of tswift's album a few nights ago, and dear god it's something else. literally cried while listening to wildest dreams and this love in the car. yup.